A judge has ordered the parents of a kindergartener to allow their son to pick his own clothes after his gender identity became the flashpoint of a bitter custody fight. The child’s parents — whose names are under a publication ban to protect the identity of their son — are separated and disagreed about whether their son, who turns five this month, identified as a girl or a boy. The Oakville mother believed her son identified as a girl and would often send him to school dressed in stereotypically feminine clothing. The mother also used the pronoun “she” to describe her son. The father, who lives in Burlington, believes his son was a “normal boy” who was being forced to act like a girl by his mother. He dressed his son like a boy, even holding a bonfire to burn his son’s girl clothes (at the child’s request, he contends).